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“War Is Fine, as Long as Our Children Aren’t Taken There”

Attitudes towards the war have not сhanged even among those fighting for the return of their loved ones

Доступно на русском
Date
16 Jan 2025
Author
Public Sociology Laboratory
“War Is Fine, as Long as Our Children Aren’t Taken There”
Photo: AP / Scanpix / LETA

The authorities are trying to ensure that Russians do not notice the war, and people are trying to get used to it and live their normal lives. However, there are those who cannot do this — primarily the wives, mothers, and other relatives of those who are at war or in the army during wartime. It would seem that they should have reassessed their attitude towards what is happening — but no, a study by the Public Sociology Laboratory (PS Lab) has shown. IStories publishes excerpts from the report.

In previous studies, PS Lab showed that most Russians justify the war without being its convinced supporters (PS Lab calls them “non-opponents” of the war) — they were helped in this by the attitude towards the state, formed over the years of Putin's rule, as an entity separate from the people and which they cannot influence. Also, the fact that Russians justify not the war itself, but themselves, and how, because of the war, they have stopped thinking about the future.

Trust but verify

The mothers of conscripts did not anticipate that the war could somehow affect their sons’ service: it either “did not occur to them” that their children could be sent to the combat zone, or they relied on officials’ assurances that this was impossible. It is significant that three out of the six conscripts whose mothers PS Lab managed to speak with avoided being sent to the combat zone only due to a fortunate combination of circumstances.

The mothers who justified the war were united by a basic trust in the state (and, accordingly, its institutions, in particular the army service), which did not disappear even when they faced violations against their children (for example, failure to provide them with medical care). They, unlike opponents of the war who did not trust the state under any circumstances, believed that their children were under reliable protection in the army. Therefore, they and their children did not consider the possibility of evading conscription or mobilization, even if they had grounds to do so.

“Well, we are law-abiding citizens, so, naturally, on the Nth, he reported for duty. And how could we... Run, hide — no, of course not.” (female, about 45 years old, lawyer)

This is Olga speaking, the mother of a conscript who should have received a non-draft category due to a chronic illness, but was nevertheless deemed fit by the military commission. But mobilized individuals and their non-opponent-of-the-war relatives share a similar stance. And it is not about the money at all, as it might seem: the income of the families interviewed by PS Lab was above average for the region, and the payments they started receiving after mobilization did not affect (or affected insignificantly) their financial situation.

"We don’t have the right to refuse… We weren’t interested in the salary, so to speak. Of course, it was a very strong blow, a shock for me, because he’s my only child, my only son… Well, since they sent the summons, it means... As they say, ‘the Motherland calls – it must be done.’” (female, about 50 years old)

Moreover, Yevgenia admitted that a significant part of her son's salary, and in the first two months of his service – her own as well, went to cover expenses related to the war. And yet, due to health problems, her son shouldn't have even been in regular military service, let alone participating in hostilities.

Mothers who justified the war began to act when they realized that their sons were in real danger, for example, due to a sharp deterioration in health or the threat of being sent to a combat zone. Irina learned at the beginning of her son's service that he was going to be sent to the border with Ukraine, and to a place where a tent camp of Russian soldiers had recently been bombed. She tried to clarify the situation, and the more she learned, the more frightened she became:

“When he was taken, they immediately told him that he would go to serve in Crimea. <…> I started looking for information… and seemed to calm down. <…> But then suddenly I found out that those demobilized soldiers who were stationed there on the border… They were suddenly bombed. And allegedly there are casualties. <…> Well, of course, I looked for this information on the internet. I didn’t find it there. Accordingly, it’s possible that it wasn’t posted. I found a bunch of other information instead, which shocked me. <…> Well, I realized that this is an unsafe territory for children to be in.” (female, about 44 years old, quality inspector at a factory)

This situation resolved itself: Irina’s son fell ill before being sent to the tent camp. But not everyone was so lucky. Here is what Anna, the mother of a conscript with a non-exemption medical condition, said about her attempts to get her son a medical examination:

He started having problems with his legs, with his veins, he was getting worse and worse. He was already having difficulty moving. <…> And that's when I started ringing the alarm bells, realizing that they weren't even putting him in the hospital (female, about 50 years old, school administrator)

Anna’s son spent a significant part of his service in various medical institutions, in one of which he was beaten so that he “wouldn’t complain,” but he was only able to receive a diagnosis and the necessary medical care after demobilization. The stories told by the mothers of conscripts show: the army easily accepts those who should not be there, but has difficulty letting them go.

Conscripts should not end up at the front. But sometimes they do.
Conscripts should not end up at the front. But sometimes they do.
Photo: Sergey Pivovarov / Reuters / Scanpix / LETA

“There is no truth and there never will be”

The experience of interacting with the Russian state system did not lead the mothers who justify the war to radically rethink their views and attitude towards the state. Sometimes, despite the trials that they and their sons had to go through, the mothers continued to believe that the system works as it should — except, of course, for excesses. For example, Anna, whose son effectively became disabled during his conscription service, remained convinced of the necessity of military service experience for any man:

We had to go through a lot because no one believed [that my son was sick]. They thought he was just dodging the draft.

Did you start to see what is happening in different state structures differently?

No, I haven’t changed [my opinion]. He must serve, he must. The army teaches a lot. This was, is, and will be. <…> Every man should go through the army. He becomes more mature there. <…> The only thing is that the treatment in the army is still bad, because there is a shortage of medicines, they don't pay much attention to them (female, about 50 years old, school administrator)

Even in those cases where people became more critical, they could not clearly articulate their criticism of the state and the army. For example, Yevgenia, whose story is in many ways similar to Anna's, except that her son's health deteriorated sharply after he was mobilized, not during his conscription service, answered the question about her attitude towards the army and the state as follows:

My dad always used to say: “Daughter, there is no truth and there never will be, especially in war.” <...> I don’t know how to answer anymore. <…> Here’s an example: my son was injured there, defending the homeland, but he’s no longer entitled to any payments. He ruined his health. He left healthy, and now his eyesight has deteriorated, and everything, and his speech is gone. But the state said: “If he had been wounded, he would have received [payments]. But this way — no.” How can one feel and what can one say, tell me? (female, about 50 years old)

Yevgenia cannot say anything good about her experience interacting with government agencies. But she has no words to clearly articulate this dissatisfaction. Her attitude has changed for the worse, but the question of who is responsible for the situation with her son remains unanswered. It is no coincidence that she begins her reasoning with a reference to her father, who said that “there will never be truth”: this is an impersonal construction, stating the injustice of the world and the impossibility of doing anything about it.

Women see problems in the army. Here is how Irina, whose son was sent to serve in Crimea, reasoned about them:

There [in the army] are a lot of problems. And if the government was sort of expecting to declare such hostilities — they should have prepared better. Then I am very surprised by the fact that there are very few children of officials in this war… The media talks so much about patriotism... And now it turns out that our children, who were driven there, are [fighting] — just mobilized. Where is our contract army then? (female, about 44 years old, quality inspector at a factory)

Irina sees both incompetence and falsehood: the army was unprepared for war; ordinary people are sent to the combat zone, not professional soldiers, and certainly not the children of officials; all the talk about patriotism is a deception. But she is not against the war, which could have affected (but did not affect) her son’s service, and her dissatisfaction is caused by the fact that her son could have been sent to the combat zone.

The unwillingness to blame the state for their troubles and condemn the war stems, on the one hand, from the experience of interacting with the state — confusing and often meaningless. Who is to blame if it is not always clear what happened and who to contact? On the other hand, this unwillingness to blame reflects the perception of many people of the state as an unpredictable force that acts according to its own laws: it takes children, moves them, returns them crippled, dead, or does not return them at all. It is useless to fight such a state, therefore it is useless to criticize it — this is how many mothers of mobilized soldiers and conscripts reason. Except that sometimes you can try to get small concessions from it.

Ordinary people are going to the front, not the children of officials
Ordinary people are going to the front, not the children of officials
Photo: AP / Scanpix / LETA

The right of a mother and wife

Fear of the state recedes when the lives of children are threatened (or when these lives have already been taken). In a sense, the right of a mother is part of an unspoken contract with the state: it can take children away for a while, but not forever.

“After all, it’s not just like that, to raise, raise for 20 years, and then — bam! — and bury him who knows how,” says Antonina, the mother of a conscript who died under unclear circumstances in a military unit shortly before the end of his service. She even feels entitled to sue the state and plans to do so.

The situation is similar with the wives of mobilized soldiers. It was the indefinite nature of the mobilization, and not the mobilization itself, that became the main cause of indignation among the women who joined the Way Home movement.

Without this person, I am incredibly lonely. I just understand that this is my loved one, without whom I simply cannot live, and I really want him to be home. And such injustice, that mobilized soldiers and most contract soldiers serve without fixed terms, is just, well, some kind of nonsense to me. And accordingly, it is precisely because of this that I decided to at least try to look for something [ways to return him] (female, about 20 years old, student)

During the interview, Vasilisa noted that she and her husband have rights that the state is violating, but the only right she decided to insist on was related to limiting the time of state interference in their lives:

He [husband] has the right to know how long you have taken him there for. I have the right to know how long you have taken my loved one away from me (female, about 31 years old, housewife)

Among the participants of the movement, there are more opponents of the war than among the mothers of conscripts, but their discontent erupted about a year after mobilization, when it became clear that the state was not going to return their husbands. They expressed their indignation with succinct metaphors: “legalized slavery,” “serfdom,” “endless bondage.” Here is how Nika described it:

When approximately did the balance shift, when it reached the boiling point, and you were ready for more than before?

Probably when it was a year since the partial mobilization, that’s October, probably the end of October 2023. Such changes probably occurred in consciousness. It became more and more apparent that no, our guys will not be returned.

The last straw was Putin’s Direct Line on December 14, 2023, on which the movement’s participants had pinned high hopes. A call was posted on the channel to write to the “president’s hotline” with questions about when demobilization would be carried out. However, Putin ignored these questions, as well as the topic of demobilization in general.

It’s like, you know, always a ray of hope. But it didn’t happen. And I watched, and it was just… Not that he just didn’t say anything about it… We hoped that he would at least, you know, come up with something, damn it. For example, say that “oh, well, you’ll have to wait a little longer, but now…” Well, at least something like that. He didn’t say anything at all. <…> Well, just, yes, [as if we are] some kind of dust underfoot. Outcasts (female, 26 years old, unemployed)

“We were buried alive, and there’s nothing more to lose,” Mila describes her reaction to the Direct Line. Some were tired of the exhausting struggle with the state — the endless search for information, calls, letters, meetings. Vasilisa was ready to cease any political activity if her husband returned home:

I didn’t hide it… if they tell me, like: F**k, you’ve pissed us off, we’ll return your husband, but you’ll shut up” — believe me, I’ll shut up! I’ll sell out! I’ll sell out, I’ll sell out for him. I’ll campaign for Putin, for United Russia, I’ll, damn it, stand near the military registration and enlistment office with flyers, handing them out, like, “Go, guys, fight” (female, about 31 years old, housewife)

Some of the women were exhausted, Snezhana (30 years old, saleswoman) shared her observation: “I also had such a period: anything, just to get him back. I’ll even make a deal with the devil, just to get him back. But this is already out of despair.”

Some members of the movement, on the contrary, started with individualistic demands — and gradually moved on to more general ones:

There was also a turning point here. Probably, it was at the end of [2023]… Initially, there were demands: replace ours with others and continue fighting if you want. Now people have become more like this… I increasingly encounter positions, probably similar to mine, that, well, how much longer, as if, probably, it’s time to close down this whole shop, like completely, and not terrorize people, just let them live in peace (female, 32 years old, lawyer)

Mobilization violated an unspoken contract with the state: people can be taken from their families, but only temporarily
Mobilization violated an unspoken contract with the state: people can be taken from their families, but only temporarily
Photo: Sergey Ilnitsky / EPA / Scanpix / LETA

Doubts crept in

The collision with reality forced the women to take a new look at the state and the war. They stopped unconditionally trusting official information.

Well, if you used to think like this: “Well, the government is okay, it doesn’t bother you, and that’s fine.” You live your own life. And then they kind of offer you… well, they’re like: let’s help us. They take you and then they just start kicking you and poking you with their nose. And, naturally, you already begin to doubt any of its actions. And you think: “Here they deceived me like this — and, probably, they are not so holy in Ukraine either” (female, 26 years old, unemployed)

Those who were not interested in politics, news, began to follow what was happening, including with the help of opposition media.

My day begins with the news on television... Then it’s Telegram channels, plus I also watch the news from the Ukrainian side. Here, I don’t know if it’s right or not, but I always consider several... from several sides. <…> Because I watch, well, I used to watch Solovyov — oh my god, I just can’t. <...> Everything is fine there, according to him, we have everything there: air defense systems, and so on. And you just sit there and think: f**k, where? (female, about 31 years old, homemaker)

Throughout the conversation, Vasilisa constantly returned to the official patriotic view, emphasizing that she was and remains a patriot of her country, but criticized the state, borrowing elements of the opposition language with its vocabulary of rights, free elections, and evidence with facts. Before the presidential elections, she supported Boris Nadezhdin’s candidacy. He was not allowed to run in the elections, and one of the accusations against him from the pro-government media was that he was a “Navalny supporter.”

Prove that these are “Navalny supporters.” Prove it. <...> Well, not everything is so bad there with his election campaign, that he started meeting with the participants of the Way Home. Right? Well, that is, you want to say that Nadezhdin is also there with us, like Navalny, the same fate awaits him then? That is, these are your honest elections, which everyone tells us about?

Vasilisa regretted that she did not know that rallies against mobilization were taking place in Moscow and St. Petersburg: she was ready to participate in them. She blamed her lack of awareness on the state, which hinders the dissemination of information and represses independent media and journalists who “tell the truth.”

At the same time, Vasilisa does not want to “be an enemy” of the state and fully supports Putin. It was for him that she was going to vote in the upcoming elections (“he brewed this mess, only he can sort it out now”). Then she added:

We will win, and of this there is no doubt in my mind, as a Russian person, as a patriot of my country, there simply isn’t. We will win. Just at what cost? In my town, we’ve already buried four. The most offensive thing for me is: it will still end at the negotiating table. We will win. We will win. We will take these regions, possibly even more. But it will all end with the signing of treaties.

Vasilisa’s story is the most revealing: she did not cease to be loyal to the political regime, but she began to trust state institutions and representatives of power less; she did not rethink her attitude towards the war, but she realized that she was not ready to sacrifice her well-being for it.

Antonina, who buried her conscript son and is planning to sue the state, also justifies the war and even considers it a just and necessary measure. There were many such people who fight the state machine for their loved ones while simultaneously supporting the war, and this contradiction shocked the opponents of the war who encountered it.

And when you start talking to soldiers’ mothers, many of them... some were for the war. That is, they say: “No, the war is fine, as long as our children aren’t taken there.” That is, there were many such mothers (Inna, about 43 years old, housewife)

People still have not understood the purpose of the war, why their loved ones are dying in Ukraine
People still have not understood the purpose of the war, why their loved ones are dying in Ukraine
Photo: Natalia Kolesnikova / AFP / Scanpix / LETA

The main right: privacy

Disappointment in the state did not lead to radical changes in attitudes towards the war. Those who were already against it strengthened their opinion; those who hesitated leaned towards a more negative assessment of the war; and those who were in favor still believe that Russia should win. Changes in views are mainly reduced to rethinking individual aspects of the war.

The fact that many, even two years after the start of the war, do not understand its causes and goals, do not believe that they can influence its outcome, and are waiting for its end, has become for them just another argument in favor of the fact that their loved ones do not belong in the war. Why then should ordinary people participate and die in it?

The women [participants in Way Home movement] went to the Ministry of Defense, and they were told there, like: demobilization implies the collapse of the front. Well, that’s not our problem. That’s not ours at all, that’s your problem, that’s your front. What were you counting on when you took people from civilian life? That they owe it to you to see it through to the end? (female, 34 years old, homemaker)

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In today’s Russia, “personal rights” or “civil rights” are not common values. They can acquire meaning when it comes to rights related to private life. This is the safety of children in the case of conscript soldiers, and the participants of the Way Home movement often described men as parts of a well-oiled family machine: take a man out of the family — and the small family enterprise goes down the drain.

It is really important to me that all drafted men be demobilized, that our army be made up of servicemen who voluntarily expressed a desire to serve, and not so that men are torn from family life for... more than a year. Every family, of course, needs something during this time, some everyday moments, something else (Nika, 32 years old, lawyer)

A man’s duty to the state — for example, the need to defend it in wartime — is no less important than his duty to his family. Here is how Vasilisa, one of the most pro-war informants, describes a conversation with an official:

He’s like: “And do you have any problems?” I say: “For the second year, there’s no father, no husband, I’m carrying everything on my own, as it were, I’m not ironclad.” And in general, besides having the obligation under the Constitution of the Russian Federation to defend the Motherland, he also has rights. He has the right and his obligation, the obligation to raise our daughter. Why am I doing this alone? (female, about 31 years old, homemaker)

In authoritarian countries, protests often arise as a result of the state’s intrusion into people’s private lives. It is no coincidence that in Russia, those whose daily existence was threatened by the actions of the state or private companies took to the streets in protest: pensioners whose benefits were canceled; truck drivers who were subjected to additional fees; residents of houses slated for renovation; residents of areas where something “dirty” was planned to be built — a landfill or an incinerator.

For some, the war has become such an event: it has violated their right to privacy.

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